Goblins are gross little weirdos. They're known for being quick to violence, even among themselves. Some say they're cowardly fighters. That's not entirely accurate. They're just smart enough to know when they can't beat someone in a fair fight - not that they have much concern for your idea of fair. When they can't win fairly, they win unfairly instead. This might come across as cowardly, but wanting to win doesn't mean they're afraid to die. Why should they be? Goblins can't die.
Goblin Death
Many a Warrior has slain a goblin or five, many a man-at-arms has helped to ward off a raid at the skirts of their village. Any experienced fighter can tell you that a goblin goes down easier than a man. It's laughable to suggest they cannot die. They seem to die quite easily, in fact.
When a goblin is rent in twain by the Warrior's blade, its body ceases to live. The jury is still out on whether these unsavoury little bastards have souls, but something remains. We know this because the goblin comes back. Goblins who have been slain have occasionally been known to recognize the person who slew them, and to be extra clever, extra sneaky, extra cruel the next time they encounter their would-be murderer. They'll still often make the same mistake twice, and they'll be even angrier about it the third time.
This easily explains their lack of fear in the face of certain death, quickness to violence, and even goes some way to explaining why they have no apparent sanitary standards. Illness isn't exactly going to kill them, is it?
Goblin Birth
Goblins are born from a fleshy orifice, much like the rest of us. Motherhood is something usually associated with nice words like "nurturing" and "beautiful". A goblin mother is much less nurturing and a whole lot more fleshy and orificey. They tend to be associated with words like "mound", "heap", or if the goblins are on the move, "ball".
It appears that when a goblin is slain, its body and mind return to its mother as it decomposes. The mechanism through which this occurs is unknown, though many have noted that a goblin corpse decays at an alarmingly rapid rate. If this process were understood, it might be possible to prevent goblin reincarnation; a useful tactic for pushing back against their oppressive horde. There may be some magic ritual, some binding seal, or a particular method of slaughter which makes them stay dead. There are certainly a lot of superstitions about this.
Perhaps the bane of the goblin varies from brood to brood, which has contributed to any consistent method remaining undiscovered.
Goblin Mothers
The green-skinned, hairy-moled mass of flesh the goblins call "mom" usually has only one orifice. It often (though not always) resembles a humanoid orifice, along with any related foul secretions. Goblins are born from it.
A mother can be anywhere from the size of a workhorse to the size of a castle's keep, depending on the numbers of its brood. Small goblin crews will roll their mother around, with a handful of scouts ahead, clearing a path through violent means if necessary. The goblins are more protective of their mother than themselves. They seek a permanent home for their mother, for once she grows beyond a certain size she will be effectively impossible to move any more, first becoming unreasonably heavy and then physically attaching herself to the inside of a cavern wall.
- A weeping, yellowed, bloodshot eye
- A waxy ear
- A drooling mouth, tongue hanging out
- A vomiting mouth
- A snorting, sneezing, crooked goblin nose
- A smooth fleshy tube that you can't see the end of, pulsating
- A gaping wound
- A pustule
- Skin pores, like the suriname toad
- No orifice - the goblins just burst out Alien-style, and feeding is a mystery
- A birth canal
- An anus
Hobgoblins and Bugbears
Hobgoblins and bugbears are commonly known to be a variety of goblin, though their true nature is known by few. Hobgoblins have been noted to be slightly more human-like - they stand straighter, fight smarter, and seem to sit higher in the goblin hierarchy than your garden-variety goblin. Bugbears have been noted to be more animal-like - they are bulky, hairy, stupid, and can only exert dominance over the other goblins by bullying them into submission.
These observations are no coincidence.
Unlucky victims of a goblin gang are sometimes ritualistically fed to the goblin mother as a celebration of the clan's growth. Human and demihuman victims of these rituals lead to the creation of a hobgoblin, sometimes sharing traits of the original person but never retaining memories or personality. If there is anything remaining of the individual after the metamorphosis, it is hidden deep beneath the goblin savagery that displaces it.
Similarly, bugbears appear to form when the mother is fed a large animal. Bears may be the origin of the name, though bugbears have been identified in bovine, equine, and crocodilian varieties. No such creatures form when the mother is fed its usual diet of small animals such as rats - it is uncertain whether mass is a critical factor or the goblins simply don't perform the necessary rituals with small creatures.
The Goblin Grandmother
It was noted by goblinographers and goblinologists that goblins don't seem to have nearly the regard for their mothers that they ought to. This isn't just a moral criticism; it makes sense that goblins do not fear death when death is not permanent, but what if their mother were destroyed? The goblins try to protect her, but not like their life depends on it. More like it would be a huge pain in the ass to have to roll her all the way back out there again.
This observation led to the discovery of the Goblin Grandmother at the site where the paths of travelling goblin squads converge. A great pit of goblin flesh exists hidden in a valley, far from civilization. You'd notice the odor long before you reached it. You'd be ambushed by goblins soon after that. It is hypothesized that the Grandmother is a large enough creature to physically enter and explore the innards of, and that to stop the goblin menace once and for all, one would have to destroy its heart from within.
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